17th May 2011

What was swimming alone like?

Walking in alone.
Slipping into the pool alone.

It was quiet.
It did not involve any smiling.
It was almost like I was an object for the curiosity of strangers.
It was somewhat paranoid, and defensive.

Strangers quickly went further away when I stared at them for staring at me.

I swam silently, almost stonily.
Taking care that my strokes were clean and decisive.
It was quiet.

I decided against going into the jacuzzi. There were strangers sitting happily inside.

I said "hello" to two girls in the sauna room, after.
I forgot to smile when I said it.
They answered rather timidly and the three of us sat in silence.
On my part, I suppose the silence was partly nonchalant and partly uncomfortable.
The girls left the sauna room pretty quickly.
One gave a quick smile at me as I walked past her.
Only after she'd left did I realize I'd forgotten to return her smile.
Trying to be friendly, I approached them when our paths crossed again, and told them the other shower room was better.
They still looked timid and seemed to pull back slightly.
Again, only after they'd left did I realize I'd forgotten to smile while saying it.

Walking away alone.
And I again imagined the eyes of everyone on me.

What kind of person goes swimming alone?
Apparently - me.

If you ever feel invisible, go for a lonely swim in a pool with laughing strangers.

At least I think I looked good.